Disturbed Animation

As a child, you were unaware of ‘small things’ in cartoons. Now in a teenage state, I find some bits of dialogue and characters from the glorious past of cartoons slightly but brilliantly creepy. Still, they naturally conquer all modern cartoons (apart from the Simpsons and South Park) and anything Disney related – in fact anything that airs or touches Disney has been poisoned. But anywho, observe…..

Thomas the Tank Engine

Trevor the Traction Engine


Here’s a disturbing quote for you:

Trevor went back to the shed and thought about the fair, his new friends and most of all, the children. Lots and lots of children as he silently went to sleep.

Even more disturbing is that the narrator was Ringo Starr. He may have got high with a little help from Thomas’ friends…

Hey Arnold

Brainy

According to previous episodes, he stalked monobrow psychopath Helga since they were probably the age of 3 or 4 and continues to stalk her throughout the series. It doesn’t help that he has a very suggestive breathing pattern.

Plus I think this dude is a regular in Specsavers, U.S.A. health insurance companies hesitate to cover him and he must be filthy rich. If he can replace his glasses every episode (and there are roughly a 100) his bills could be more than Simon Cowell splashing cash on botox.

Barney the Dinosaur

Barney

This ‘dinosaur’ is probably the only non-living thing that can rival Santa Clause. When you are not using your imagination, Barney remains in a small doll state but is capable of watching every move. And I mean every move. Makes you even more scared of religion huh?

On a humourous note, people have suspected Michael Jackson as the man in the purple over-sized jumpsuit. Too early to mention him yet?

Pingu

Pingu

I just never understood this programme. Are they speaking in French? Mangled Italian? Some ancient form of exotic Japanese? All I know is David Walliams is probably the man doing the voice overs.

Teletubbies

Tinky Winky


The famous ‘gay’ Teletubby despite being no official confirmation of gender. Still, you can’t help but think a shopping-obsessed gay man came up with the concept. His antennae (for strong mobile signal) and it is also a hanger upside down (for you to hang your clothing), a handbag (to contain personal belongings) and a television (in case you need some mind numbing reality television).

The result? The dream personal shopping assistant.

Johnny Bravo

Johnny Bravo

All he wants to do is have relations with the opposite gender. I think that says it all. Plus the appearance of Farrah Fawcett and her quote should help suggest the show’s intent:

“Oh a blindfold! I can’t remember wearing a blindfold…oh wait, I do…”

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1 Comment

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