Between the tail end of November and a few days ago, my Facebook page didn’t exist. SHOCK! HORROR! etc etc. Eventually, I came back because I had an abundance of BBC tickets and wanted to get into contact with people. I was also hoping if Facebook etiquette changed….unfortunately not (then again, I’ve only been gone for a month). It really didn’t take me long to re-discover some of the reasons why I deactivated mine (primary reason is because I’m on a gap year and will waste it on FB). But anywho, [turns on cynical self], let us begin this shoddy run-down.
#1 Farmville and other games I couldn’t give a flying lobster about
I may not be a ‘serious’ gamer but please, stop inviting me to your stupid games where I pretend to be a farmer trying to grow and harvest crops. I do not care if your stupid crops and cows will die because they are digital. Also to those who are inviting me to ‘Mafia Wars’ here’s a quick question: do I look/ sound like an underground crime lord to you? No. Because I’m a snobbish douche who lives in Chelsea and spends his lazy days watching celebrities eating food I can never afford on the King’s Road.
#2 Constant stream of repetitive statuses
Boo-hoo, I have a headache; boo-hoo, I don’t feel well; boo-hoo, a swan tried to steal my wheelchair – look, there isn’t a rule against moaning about your life but please oh please oh please restrain yourself. Most statuses I see on my Facebook stream revolve around boredom, emotional blabber, and something that will end in ‘FML’ or other variants. Yeah, if you’re gonna keep that stuff up, you might as well just keep to yourself because it just shows you’ve got nothing of actual value to say. Or at least try and be self-deprecating!
If you want to complain about life, go and use Twitter (and yes follow my crappy life on Twitter. Boo-hoo).
#3 Pictures where you take a picture of yourself with the camera visible
[I would actually punch my Mac if I put an example image here]
I don’t know why but these sort of photos p*ss me off. They are just so self-indulgent, lacks originality and quite frankly demonstrates how boring life is going for you (and I know the meaning of boredom, especially when you watch Scrubs for hours on end).
#4 Facebook Rape AKA ‘Frape’
#5 whn ppl typ lik dis
Type in actual sentences or I will not talk to you (unless if you’re someone I talk to regularly and I have to put with it). Once you get your head and fingers around it, typing actual words will take the same speed of typing eye-watering short hand.
EDIT: The Ultimate Guide to all things annoying on Facebook by Laura Patricia: GO GO GO AND JOIN US CYNICAL AND BROOKER-ESQUE BOZOS!
‘Til next time,