The Facebook Factor

9:44PM 17th January and I’m multi-tasking: writing this blog post, watching a South Park marathon on Comedy Central Extra (I bet the majority of you were all watching Glee because you’re thinking that “oh, I’m an outcast too!” No. No you are not. Outcasts are murderers, rapists, psychopaths, drug dealers, drug addicts, druggies, drug nuts and pharmacists. Oh and Hitler. Not an all singing, all dancing troupe who seem to burst into song whenever they feel appropriate) and wondering why I’m still wearing my mangled boots.

And on top of that, I’m busy looking at my Facebook feed which continues to fill with me with enough disgust to power Italy’s disdain for Berlusconi. Then I realised, why waste time on Facebook when I can simply seek refuge on Twitter? The question remains, ‘what’s the point of Twitter?’ et al. I would bore you with factual hullabaloo but that would be, well, useful unlike myself. So here it is, 5 reasons why the Tweeters pwn Facebookers. Hope you can catch up and keep up…

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#1 It is more acceptable to babble about your miserable life on Twitter

 

Words from the wise: don't be too explicit

 

On Facebook any empty mentions of your sad, aimless and pathetic life (e.g. “I’m bored” or “I’m sad” or “I need to think.” The last one – why? Why type it out?) is sad, aimless and pathetic. However, on Twitter you are limited to 140 characters and the beauty of it is that there is so much going on (depending on how many people you follow or how many followers you have) that your whiny and insignificant problems will go widely unnoticed and won’t get people complaining about people who complain about their lives on social networking websites.

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#2 Twitter exposes the wit. Facebook exposes the war

I have a Wii. Don't waste my time with crappy lifeless games

Due to Twitter’s more fast-paced nature, you truly need to be on your toes thanks to the 140 character limit as well as the constantly updated Twitter feed. Something can capture your eye immediately and a quick response is all you need. It is also an invaluable source for important/ interesting/ breaking news such as when the media broke the news about the shooting of Gabrielle Giffords.

In comparison, you can pretty much have a field day with the gossip surrounding your circle of ‘friends’ on Facebook. It will turn you into a gossip devil, snooping around like some sort of food deprived dog, hoping for some tramp to throw some of his or her leftovers of a grimacing cheeseburger from a restaurant where cat turd is its prized lunch course for £3.99.

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#3 Your inbox won’t be mercilessly spammed

I prefer the Nigerian general e-mails

WHY OH WHY DID I LIKE/RESPOND TO THAT STATUS?! 12,341 FACEBOOK NOTIFICATIONS IS GAAAH! On Twitter, you don’t have that problem. You treat Twitter e-mails like you do with important e-mails and not instantly tick the box next to Mr. Facebible and press ‘delete’.

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#4 Parents My family have no idea how Twitter works (for now)

 

You'll get used to the Twitter lingo

My mother doesn’t get it. My father doesn’t get it. My brother doesn’t get it. My uncle doesn’t get it. My auntie doesn’t get it. My 8 goldfishes don’t get it. There is freedom to breathe on Twitter and, check that, freedom in general.

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#5 There is no like button/ poke wars

X Factor removed from TV.

The retweet button is here instead. The main difference is that its subtlety is its greatest strength because it doesn’t take you to some random 3rd party webpage like (eh heh, sorry) when you try and find out where that phrase/ saying came from. As far as poking is concerned, what’s the point (sorry, bad pun)?

‘Til next time,

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