There’s nothing like looking into your junk mail folder in your e-mail inbox to see who’s dropped an offer for viagra or free tampon samples…..which is weird. I can tolerate those e-mails, but there’s one particular type of e-mail that can send me into an uber dimension of disdain. Mind you, at least they’re entertaining at best:
From Miss Hasana Mohammad.
Dear with profound respect and humble submission submission, I beg to state the following few lines for your kind consideration, I hope you will spare some of your valuable minutes to read the following appeal with sympathetic mind. I must confess that it is with great hopes, joy and enthusiasm that I write you this mail which I know and believe by the faith that it must surely find you in good condition of health, My name is Miss Hasana Mohammad, I am the only Daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs Ammar Mohammed. My father was a highly reputable business magnet who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days.
Pity you’re the only child of your late parents of a rich imaginary family. Usually I would have sympathy for this sort of thing. [Sigh] Come on, I’m losing interest already. What else have you got?
It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on the 20th May 2010. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of mine who travelled with him at that time. But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 6yrs old, and since then my father took me so special.
Before the death of my father on May 2010 last year, he called me and informed me that he has the sum of Six Million, Five Hundred thousand United State Dollars.(USD$6,500,000.00) he deposited in a private Bank here in Abidjan Cote D’Ivoire. He told me that he deposited the money in my name, and also gave me all the necessary legal documents regarding to this deposit with the Bank.
Oh pooh. There’s always that evil uncle in the rich family eh? Oh what are you loaded types like! Gaaawww. And you’ve got about $6m in the kitty! You don’t need my help! With that kind of money, you don’t need an imaginary dead mother and father! You can just buy another! Plus, I’m assuming this despositing money business is leading somwhere….
I am just 19 years old and a university undergraduate and really don’t know what to do. Now I want an honest and GOD fearing partner overseas who I can transfer this money with his assistance and after the transaction I will come and reside permanently in your country till such a time that it will be convinient for me to return back home if I so desire. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant Presidential political crisis going on here in our country Cote D’Ivoire.
The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. I also want to invest the fund under your care because I am ignorant of business world.. I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:
1. Can you honestly help me from your heart?
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the fund has being transfeered to your account and i come over to meet you ?
Just stop right there for a minute. Are you saying you have SIX BLOODY MILLION AMERICAN DOLLARS, going to university and you “don’t know what to do?” WHAT KIND OF FAKE TEENAGER ARE YOU? And just to clarify, again, you have $6,000,000.00+ ? I can pay off my university tuition fees, feed some parts of the world and let them know it’s Easter Sunday again and hire two detectives and make them follow each other for 30 years – forget about the sorrow that the death of your so called ‘father’ brought you, go to Vegas and live…or that’s how I think life is meant to be lived.
Oh yes, to answer your questions:
1. In all honesty I can positively say – with a 100% guarantee – that I will not help you because I have no heart.
2. I trust the electronic London bus timetable more than I trust you…whoever you are.
3. I will not cooperate unless you’re Justin Bieber. If you are, I will carry out all the necessary action for you….then kill you when I meet you as well as taking that $6,000,000+
Please, consider this and get back to me as soon as possible. Immedaitely I confirm your willingness, I will send to you my Picture and also inform you more details involved in this matter.
Anticipating hearing from you soon.
Thanks and may God bless you for your concern to help an orphan like me.